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Call me crazy! My ex and I got back together again, who would have thought that we could rekindle our love after swearing by God that he was my biggest mistake. After we broke up, I cried myself to sleep every night for about three weeks, I told everyone that cared to listen how amazing life without him was, and i listened to Cris Williamson’s the changer and the changed everyday for about three months. I mean I had my protective wings wrapped around me and I thought I’d finally found closure by the fifth month. I finally decided to stop being bitter, so i replied his mails about eight months after we broke up. We started talking like old time’s, we spoke every other day. Memories of the good times we spent together gradually filled me and I didn’t attempt to fight it. When he was transfered to a village in Sudan he sent letters at least once a week, for some reason I found his Hand written letters rather charming and I found myself anticipating his next letter. In one of his letters, he said he missed us, he missed me. He wanted to make things work between us, he wanted us to start all over again, and to everyone’s disappointment I wanted it too. Sadia and Molly were rather concerned, they feared I would not live through another heart wrecking recovery session if something went wrong, but at that time; being with him seemed like the best thing to do. He still worked as a war correspondent, he’d just been promoted to some fancy position in his company’s branch in Nigeria and he was to resume office in about three months. Things couldn’t have been more perfect, we where back together and now he was coming back home. The forces seemed to agree with me on this one.
Let’s just say I had been celibate since we broke up, and considering the fact that he is the only man I’d ever had sex with, getting with other people was just difficult. A week before he arrived, I made an emergency visit to the spa, I needed them to fix the situation in my subsection… The lady who helped with the Brazilian wax couldn’t help but ask why my man let my keep so much pubic hair ( can you imagine the embarrasment i felt at that time?) I just couldn’t wait for him to return, after what seemed like forever. He got to Nigeria few days later, he told me he was spending about three days with his parents in Lagos before coming over to see me in Abuja. The wait was agonizing, and the thought of waiting three more days was just hard work. He arrived in Abuja a day earlier than he was supposed to, well I thought he couldn’t wait to see me as I him, and I was right, he couldn’t wait to see me.
My eyes wide like a little girl on sighting candy, it was just impossible to hide my heartfelt glee, I flung my arms around him, we didn’t want to let go of each other. He smelt the same but looked better, I could tell he had been working out, he looked more masculine, his face more beautiful than I remembered, his touch more powerful. He was an advanced version of the man I fell in love with four years ago. He made me twirl like a five year old girl, he took me into his arms and then leaned forward, my lips parted slightly as I welcomed his kiss, my heart beating faster than usual, i felt the chill rush through my spine, He still had the same effect on me. His lip on mine,my mouth remembered the familiar taste of his kiss. I didn’t mind that people stared at me at the arrival terminal, at that moment it was all about the two of us so others could wait. It is fair to say I finally got my share of the very cliche airport romance. He looked excited but not happy, he occasionally avoided meeting my gaze and i assumed he was shy. I wanted his dark brown eyes darted straight at mine, I wanted to see the fire in his eyes while he made sweet love to me after so long, I wanted him , right there. He was trying really hard to hide whatever it was that was bugging him, he was constantly lost in deep thoughts, staring into space then catching up with reality. Maybe his experience in war countries had changed him, maybe I was just overreacting, maybe fatigue was taking the best of him; I went for the second. My wild sexual desires had to wait. The drive back to my apartment was Awfully quiet for lovers who haven’t seen in over a year. We had dinner, afterwards I slipped into my Mini see through chiffon dress and we snuggled up on the couch, as we stared through the TV. He stroked my hair the way I loved it, and told me he loved me over 30 times. It took all the forces and angels in my head to stop me from ripping his shirt open and having wild rough sex with him right there on the coutch, why the hell was he making me wait? I couldn’t help but curse endlessly in my head. Once i was done sulking to myself, I looked up at him and he was deep in thought again. He was disappointed, I could tell, was I darker, fatter or had I aged drastically since we where last together? He finally spoke and after he did I wish he hadn’t. ‘ I love you Bebe, beyond words can tell. But everytime we are finally happy somthing awful has a way of making us stay apart. We can’t be together; At least Not for now. He took a long pause then continued. My dad wants me to marry his partners daughter, Bebe We’ve been at it for a while now, i thought telling him about you would soften his heart, but it just made things worse. he’s being unreasonable. But then…( I could tell he was holding his breath). Bebe, I just have to do this, at least for a year, then file for a divorce, it means so much to him, he said it is a political strategy… Every other thing he said just went by me. My soul froze! I couldn’t move, my own tears had deserted me, my heart stopped beating. Once again the forces had abandoned me, after what seemed like a thousand years of silence, I told him to leave. And like the yes man he was at that moment, he obeyed. I didn’t care that it was about 2:00 am and he didn’t know his way around town, I just wanted him out.
I layed in the same position, afraid to move, my eyes shut as I begged my tears to comfort me. The night seemed endless and cold. Not even Molly’s sweet encouraging words could save me. Who on earth agrees to an arranged marriage? I knew he lived most of his life to please his father, but How could he choose to sacrifice our happiness at the expense of his father’s greed? Once again I had lost and this time; there was no hope for redemption. Once again I forgot to introduce myself, My name is Ibiyinka Allen, I’m the clibate lover, I’m also the girl from ‘so long a mail’, remember me now? And the heart crushing yes man’s name is Chukwudi Peters. I know, I know, how could I let a man named Chukwudi Peters break my heart over and over again. The dumb choices I make are rather worrisome…
abenii 